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Still figuring it out

Hey guys, 

Wow it’s been so long I almost feel silly for coming back. But I told myself I was doing this for me and honestly I felt like when I typed out how I was feeling I started to kinda feel better like I was starting to really make a breakthrough on my healing process. But then I stopped. Stopped journaling, I stopped doing my morning yoga, I stopped listening to myself and got caught up in everyone else’s life and found myself in a depression phase yet again. I know things will be okay but yesterday I had finally hit a breaking point and cried for hours. How did I let myself become so consumed with stress & everyone else that I forgot about my own mental health & happiness? I stopped doing what I wanted to do. I stopped my photography, stopped working out, I lost my job. I just stopped taking care of myself until I broke. I’m only human and I know I’m not good at expressing my emotions when my mind is racing in any stressful situation and I think about all the bad things that could happen and I panic. I’ve become so filled with anger and sadness recently that I started pushing people away again. Why do I lash out when I’m just hurt? 

Why do I feel so alone and would rather suffer in silence than to ask for help when I need it? 

The mind is a very crazy thing and sometimes I wish I had answers for the way I think certain things. But that’s just the trauma that became a habit and now unlearning these unhealthy habits is just more difficult the longer time passes. 

There is nothing wrong with asking for help and I’m extremely thankful to have people in my life that do show they care. Don’t be afraid to check in on your friends & loved ones cuz you don’t know even just a “I’m thinking about you” text could turn someone’s day around and give them hope again. Mental health is so seriously important and I’m mad I let myself forget about it and just ignored my feelings like they would just disappear. 

Don’t bury your feelings even if you feel like you are a burden because there is someone out there that loves you. Just take a moment to be aware and let your emotions feel and know the pain is just temporary. 

It’s okay to cry, it’s okay to feel like the whole world is crashing down but I promise it won’t last forever. 

God has a plan for you. Just like He had a plan for me when he saved me the night my life almost ended. 

If I can survive child abuse, rape, domestic abuse I can survive everything else, even a bad day.

The Good days are coming I can feel it. Just taking it a day at a time. 

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