So I took my own advice. Last time I blogged I asked you to do one nice thing for someone else to make them feel better & I followed through. Let me tell you it worked tho! It was so funny I had complimented on a girls cute jacket I really liked but instead of keeping my comment to myself I put myself out there & told the lady how much I liked her coat and to see her face light up made my own heart feel happy. Then as we went to dinner not once but 2 nights in a row I had two different women tell me how much they liked my hair & that both colors complimented me. I kid you not when I say I lit up so fast I felt my whole face get warm, I couldn’t stop smiling the rest of the day. Was it because I was also spreading kindness around? Was I getting good karma? Or was it just a coincidence? Who knows but either way it just made me happy & I wanted to share with you guys.
Other than that I wish I could say I’m doing everything I can still to take care of myself but I sorta fell off that band wagon for a while now & it’s time to get back on it. I was doing really well to, I was doing morning yoga every morning, had a drink water app on my phone that would make a sound every 30 mins to remind myself to drink water which I’m terrible at. I use to take mornings as me time and would look forward to my morning shower to wake up and start getting my day started. Somehow I’ve fallen off this practice I was doing & I’m not entirely sure why. I’m not mentally in a very bad place again in fact I’m just kinda bleh right now. I have some really fun good days then I have these days were I find myself laying in bed at 5 in the morning wondering what I’m doing with my life & why I didn’t take better care of myself when I was younger. Why my body chooses such an early morning time to do this I wish I knew. Tho I’ve been keeping myself busy with crafting, making wreaths & just bring creative is probably the best thing I can do for myself right now. I find it so therapeutic to just go make something. To just relax my mind & create.
Maybe there are bigger reasons I’m just feeling sorta out of it recently is I’ve been trying to go to the dr regularly & dentist since for a long time I couldn’t even go for a minor check up I just want to make sure everything is running properly. But who knew stress could take such a toll on your body without you realizing how much damage it can actually do. I for one know a lot about stressing & “holding things in” I’ve done it for 7 years. But I’ve dealt with a lot of stomach issues, no appetite, very low energy levels like some days just getting out of bed feels like I’m climbing a mountain. But they took tests & couldn’t find anything. This time around they did find something. It was a brief phone call but the dr proceeded to tell me they think I have pancreatic insufficiencies and I’m not getting the proper nutritions from the food I’m eating. From stress??? I didn’t even know that was a thing but now I have a referral and I need to call & make an appointment with this specialist to figure out what the next step is. But ever since I talked to the dr a few days ago that’s all I think about. It’s not necessarily bad thoughts more so i just regret how awful & mean I was to myself for putting myself through all of this. I really should have known better but honestly when your in the abusive situation you don’t see it, no matter how many times that red flag came out & slapped you right across the face you are so manipulated you think you are the problem, you already broken he’s the only one that will love you & take care of you, you so damaged no one will ever love you. All those sweet little lies I was fed each & everyday while I listened & truly believed him…well not anymore I don’t.
It’s taken a while but now I’m determined more than ever to make myself a priority, no more putting up with toxic relationships because it’s “easier” I deserve better & I know that now.
Life won’t ever stop throwing obstacles out way but they help us shape who we are today & make us stronger. Just because we have struggles doesn’t make the good not worth it, you just have to mentally fight your way through those dark times.
I won’t ever give up
Neither should you
Keep fighting guys I know we can get through this together.
I’m taking this morning as a self care morning & going to do all the things that make me feel good & productive with no just chores but my mentally health. Take a self care day 1 days this week & treat yourself - it be reading a good book, exercising or taking a nice hot bubble bath and light your favorite candle. Self care is not selfish, it’s a necessity.
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