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Holiday updates

Feel like it’s been a little while since I last posted so I figured a little update was in order for the people who do actually read my blog and enjoy it. I’d be lying if I said I don’t think about this blog a lot & always thinking when’s a good time for my next blog so figured this morning is a good morning for some updates! 

First off I just want to point out I know the holidays aren’t always cupcakes and rainbows especially for some families who aren’t close or just really struggling this time of year and my heart goes out to all of you who didn’t have that holiday fun that’s promised every year and just hope you find whatever you need to heal those wounds. 

I for one and feeling so motivated and so ready for this New Years I can hardly stand it. I know it’s the same every year everyone gets all excited about new starts, and new diets, and the new year new me trend starts, which I love, but I find it also extremely overwhelming to see all these changes you want to make and if you don’t follow through you feel like a failure even if you slip up once in your new routine and I’m sick of it. I hate the feeling I get that I want to make myself lose weight, workout daily, eat better, cut out most of my sugar intake, drinks LOTS of water, yoga, meditate, etc and I find it all can be a little much and always end up stressing myself out. Why do we do that? Why we so quick to demand change with no wiggle room for error when life is all about errors and mistakes and growing from them. So with that in mind I want to do something different this year. Yes I plan on still trying to do all those things but the top of my list of things to do this year is remembering to be gentle with myself. It’s okay to take baby steps, at least you are headed in the right direction. If I mess up and forget to pick healthier choices for a snack and rather go for my normal swiss rolls I won’t get mad at myself. Instead I’ll try to drink water or eat something as easy as an apple. I feel like if I  do little things here and there and be okay with an occasional mess up I will eventually just make a routine and not even have to think and just automatically go for the healthier choice. I want to just get up in the morning and crave to do my yoga, crave to find a small easy read book that I can try reading 30 mins before bed and shut off the socials more. I need to disconnect less with people and connect more with myself. 

I don’t plan to be very strict this year of what all I want to accomplish but instead I will just tiny adjustments so that the transition to a better me isn’t so stressful. Mentally is where I plan to make the biggest changes and I’m so ready. I’m ready to love myself, I’m ready to love my body no matter what size I am. I really didn’t think I had bad self esteem until I found myself sobbing in front of the mirror one morning just crying over how nothing fit me comfortably, I wasn’t happy with my body at all. “Im fat. My belly jiggles, My thighs have cellulite, I’m ugly.” But why I was sobbing was because I was listening to the words I was saying in my head about myself and broke my own heart. How can I be so hateful to someone with the biggest heart I know? How can I just tear her apart physically when I was all she had? I was being so mean I was making my own self cry by my own bullying. I just sat there holding my body and just cried. I can’t continue to be so understanding and kind to others but quick to tear myself down. What kind of healing is that? 

Not the kind I want I want to be confident if I have a little big of my belly showing, I want to be able to wear crop tops & shorts and not be constantly pulling at them thinking I just look fat when really it’s all about the confidence to make outfits work. You make the outfit not the outfit makes you. 

So this is my year guys, my year to put my self love first on my list of goals I want to accomplish this year. I know it’s going to take some serious time but I determined to give myself the love that I need for ME. 

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