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Letter to social media

 I really do hate you. You never make me feel like I’m good enough, made me feel like I always had to compare lives, and who is living better or happier than I am. It use to be fun to be on to socialize with your girlies and constantly tag eachother in funny memes to random things that made you think of them and took the time out of their busy day to show you. Social media is suppose to be a fun and safe space for us all to create, yet I feel the exact opposite when I log on. Instead I’m constantly reminded by the friends I no longer have, my family isn’t anyway close like we all use to be. I find myself logging on daily just to scroll for validation and that people do care even if you moved to a different state. Why I thought I would have more people just even checking in to see how the move went, or how I’m enjoying Virginia, but then I realize people don’t care. People have their own lives to live that don’t include me anymore, so why would I wanna to be constantly reminded of what I had. When I first broke away from my abuser of 7 years I had so many real friends I couldn’t even count how many I had so many loving supportive humans I had surrounding me, I felt unstoppable. Sucks going from a loner to gaining so many new friends, then moving across the country & lost almost all of my friendships, again. Making a real connection is so hard for me so when I finally found people that actually wanted to hangout with me I felt so happy. Now I’m lonelier than ever and this shit sucks. So why would I want to keep signing online, so I’m signing off. 

Not sure when or if I’ll be back on. I need to start focusing on myself and taking Carey of me. Mentally as just as much physically. Have to remind myself that just because I care about others, the feeling isn’t mutual….

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